The extrovert is a very active person. People believe this quality helps them in all areas. But do extroverts always feel good about themselves? Do they have disadvantages that prevent them from being happy?
The life of an extrovert is not always fun and carefree. Sometimes they suffer from their shortcomings and can’t achieve desired results for a long time. What qualities belong to this psychotype? How do you build a relationship with such a person? And is it possible to increase one’s own tendency towards extraversion?
Who is an extrovert?
An extrovert is a restless person who cannot sit still. They are dependent on external relations and oriented in contact with the outside world. Unlike introverts, extroverts avoid being in solitude because:
- They are frightened by their own thoughts and the need to deal with them
- They get bored and have a tendency to slip into bad moods or depression
- They find themselves in a situation of inactivity, and this is something unnatural and foreign to them.
Take this quiz to find out if you are introvert or extrovert.
Typical characteristics of extroverts:
Outwardly, an extrovert is a person with active facial expression and gestures, jerky movements and loud speech. They walk quickly, eat quickly and dress quickly. At the same time, it seems that their energy is not only conserved but even multiplied. The situation in supermarkets is a great example. A typical extrovert is a person who:
- Rides a grocery cart or offers to take for a cart-drive for someone else
- Buys everything; not really checking the expiration date of the goods and their prices
- Comes for one or three products, and leaves with a cart full of unneeded items
- Often chats with other shoppers and stores employees about topics other than merchandise
- Quickly moves from one department of the market to another, each time forgetting to buy anything
- Delays the queue to talk with the cashier to find out about all promotions or argue about the final total of the bill
The main fears of the extrovert personality are solitude and routine. They can’t live without attention and love it when everyone talks about them. If no one notices them (that is almost impossible), they may resort to taking actions — good or bad — to draw attention their way. Something is constantly changing in the extrovert’s life — appearance, atmosphere, work, hobby, or the people who surround them. If an extrovert has something that remains unchanged for a long time, they start to feel sad and depressed. Typical characteristics of extroverts:
- The need to often be among people; to communicate with them
- The desire to be claimed, irreplaceable, unique
- Restlessness, poor concentration, superficiality
- Driven, ambition, resolve, activity (“there is no time to think, gotta act”)
- Straightforwardness, openness, sincerity, naivety
- The predominance of strong emotions, vivid expressiveness
- A tendency to improvisation, rejection of consistency, planning
Extroverts are innovators and they are not afraid of change. They are thrive on and actively seek it. They quickly generate ideas — half of which are completely beyond the laws of physics and logic. However, it does not stop these people from trying to turn their plans into reality. The most interesting thing is that they often succeed. Just because they go ahead and stop at nothing.
They rarely think about the consequences of their actions. Even in serious situations, extroverts prefer to skip the stage of deliberation. They live for the moment and do not make plans for the future. They seize every opportunity to take action.
The reasons for such behavior are:
- Fear to seem useless, passive or irrelevant
- The anxiety of missing a good moment or opportunity, even if it is associated with high risk
- The aspiration to try something new, avoid boredom and routine
- The desire to be the first, the winner; to constantly achieve success
This trait often leads the extrovert into trouble. Since they have a gambling personality, they can lose a large amount of money, develop an addiction, get involved in a fight or cause themselves harm. An extrovert who has achieved a lot and then lost everything in just a second is a relatively common situation.
Anger, joy, jealousy, frustration and other extrovert emotions are never faintly expressed or go unnoticed. If they hurt, they will cry bitterly. If they are offended, they will smash everything around. If they win the lottery, they’ll cry themselves hoarse. Extroverts are obviously bad poker players.
An extrovert personality, while experiencing a strong emotion, does not think about others. Feeling angry, they can break someone else’s belongings. Feeling joyful, they will start hugging a passerby who might not like it. While grieving, they will listen to sad songs loudly, preventing their neighbors from resting or sleeping.
If an extrovert were an animal, they would definitely be a chameleon. The only difference is that the reptile changes color. The extrovert’s instability can turn into unreliability, frivolity and complete lack of self-awareness. It seems that they are constantly in search of:
- Perfect appearance – They recolor their hair, change clothes, get tattoos
- Favorite activities – They do not remain long at one workplace, do things by haphazardly
- Comfortable environment – They move around, often make repairs and rearrange furniture
- Suitable people – They make new acquaintances, lose interest in old friends, constantly increase their social circle, not paying attention to its quality
This spoils their relationships with others, causes distrust. Even the extrovert, despite all the changes and noise, sometimes feels lonely.
Good communication skills
Extroverts are not afraid to take the first steps, to be leaders and initiators. They can find an approach literally to any person. They start to speak, and everyone around agrees with them, at least because it is impossible to out-argue them. Their zeal and enthusiasm fascinate the interlocutors.
Even if an extrovert does not have serious arguments, they still somehow manage to prove something, even falsehoods. People admire them because when they speak with such passion and light in their eyes, everyone reflexively wants to smile.
If the extrovert somehow loses their job, house and dog and ends up on an uninhabited island, they will still adapt perfectly.
It is people with an extraverted psychotype who first go to the newly-opened restaurants. They can go on a spontaneous journey with a minimum amount of money. Only extroverts are happy if a crowded elevator gets stuck. Sure thing! After all, this is an excellent opportunity to meet new people and talk!
This quality helps the extroverts to get out of trouble and rebuild their lives under any conditions.
Despite their rashness, extraverted individuals never suffer from the “what if …?” complex. They may regret their actions from the past, but they don’t get upset because they haven’t tried something.
Yes, such people may get into trouble more often, but they are usually more fortunate, ready for whatever comes, not lost in unforeseen situations. The risk is a common and natural thing for them, so they get more substantial rewards for it.
Sometimes an extrovert is sad, offended, suffers self-doubt or feels guilty. However, they still love life. The following qualities help them:
- Lack of obsession with problems, failures, negative emotions in general
- Ability to let go and forget the past, find something good in the present
- A well-developed sense of humor, the ability to be happy, exude childlike excitement
- The desire to take everything life has to offer, to try new things
- The habit of sharing their joy with others, openly expressing it
If the extrovert is quiet and inactive for a long period of time, often grumbles, always gets angry, and calls life unfair, most likely they have had a deep emotional trauma and need help. It does not have to be a psychotherapist. It is possible for an extrovert’s close friend to help them work through the situation.
Extraversion and temperament
Phlegmatics and melancholics among extroverts are extremely rare. And even if they are, they are probably mixed with a sanguine or choleric type of temperament, with the sanquine and choleric traits being clearly dominant.
These are the most good-natured people, unselfish philanthropists and altruists. They intuitively feel when they have to be near their loved ones and encourage them and make them smile. There are some more typical features:
- Unshakable optimism
- Curiosity, excitement
- Naivety, gullibility
- Ability to forgive, sacrifice
- Compromise, reliability
However, do not think that the sanguine extrovert is a harmless Bambi fawn, whom anyone can hurt. They are quite able to stand up for themselves and fight back. However, to annoy them, you have to make a lot of effort. Sanguine will try to settle everything peacefully.
A choleric extrovert is a bull in the arena. And anyone who disagrees with them or reproaches or insults them is waving a red rag. They are easily aroused and can make a scene over the slightest issue. In fact, they also can openly and vividly express their joy, gratitude and respect.
Additionally, the choleric extrovert:
- Is jealous, stubborn, self-willed, proud
- Is ready to take responsibility (for others as well)
- Can motivate, inspire, dominate and protect others
- Does not tolerate competitors and always tries to be the best
- Is ready to help relatives or friends at any time
These are the most passionate personalities who require a lot of attention. As a rule, their goals are grand and ambitious. If choleric extroverts think their friends do not have enough warm hats, then they buy them more. And, not only hats, but also gloves, scarves and socks, along with thermal underwear.
The extrovert child
Единственный школьный предмет, по которому успевают все малыши этого психотипа — физкультура. В остальном все зависит от учителя. Если педагог будет больше времени уделять практике, чем теории, часто менять типы заданий, то ребенок с большой вероятностью полюбит его предмет. И наоборот: чем больше монотонности и теории в курсе, тем хуже успеваемость экстраверта.
The only school subject in which all children of this psychotype excel in is physical education. Everything else depends on the teacher. If the instructor will devote more time to practice than theory, often changing the types of tasks, then the child is more likely to fall in love with the subject. And vice versa: the more monotonous and theory-based the course is, the worse the study progress of an extrovert student.
A teacher’s personality and skills are important, too. If the educator is passionate about their subject and knows how to cause excitement, the little extrovert will adore them and study hard.
As a rule, extraverted children are mediocre students because it is difficult for them to sit in one place for a long time and maintain concentration.
An extraverted child is a popular person with a wide circle of acquaintances. They take a leadership position with friends. If a group of children decided to pull a prank, then it was an extrovert who enticed them to do it.
Usually, the extrovert child is not worried about quarrels with friends and easily replaces them with new ones. They rarely maintain friendships with classmates after graduation.
- Extrovert children try to pay attention to everyone. Because of this, the quality of their friendships sometimes suffer. Therefore, they can feel lonely even when surrounded by hundreds of people.
- The excitement and restlessness often lead an extrovert child into trouble. If the child is hyperactive, it’s better to involve them in structured activities and allow them to release their energy there.
- These children are very dependent on the acceptance of others. If they get involved with the “wrong crowd,” they can get involved in illegal activities or harm themselves or others.
The extravert’s career
The ideal profession for an extrovert is a “person-to-person” job, for example, a teacher, instructor, doctor, administrator or lawyer. Extroverts rarely choose the types of “human-sign system” and «human-technics» jobs because of the need to work independently and separately from others.
Due to their resourcefulness and eloquence, the extrovert moves quickly up the career ladder. And, this is logical because they are not afraid to:
- Ask for a salary increase or promotion
- Take responsibility for the work of others
- Lead people, organize workflow
- Make quick decisions
- Change types of responsibilities, undertake complex tasks
Monotonous work requiring attention to detail quickly drains the energy of the extrovert. They becomes sluggish and their performance declines.
Extroverts and relationships
Extroverts have a paradox. They do not appreciate their many connections, although they really need them. It’s hard for them to focus on one person. They can get divorced several times and then get married again. And they will be piously sure that this time exactly everything will work out.
However, if the extrovert finds the right person, they do not let them go, no matter what. Their “special” partner easily notices that the extrovert becomes “the one.”
The extraverted personality begins to:
- Make concessions, find compromises
- Think about the feelings of a loved one
- Gives their partner noticeably more attention than to other people
- Make decisions together as a couple
- Brag about their boyfriend/girlfriend to their friends
- Try to be with their partner all the time
The extrovert’s jealousy might be dangerous. It can end in scandals, threats, property damage and even physical abuse. Fortunately, these “red flags” emerge during the first days of dating. Fortunately, the number of aggressive extroverts isn’t great.
If your partner is an extrovert, you will have to be ready for an avalanche of attention and they will wait for it to be returned.
Extrovert and introvert
When a dog first meets a hedgehog, it tries to sniff it, then gently touch it. Then the dog stares at the hedgehog for another 10 minutes with a blank expression.
Funny, but the extrovert reacts to the introvert in the same way. They do not understand this clamped closed being. However, curiosity wins, and they try to learn more about “the hedgehog” and to make friends with them.
The extraverted person will try to put the introvert at ease and make them more active. It is unlikely to succeed. But having learned to respect the privacy of their quiet friend, the extrovert will create a very strong bond with them.
The “extrovert-extrovert” relationship is an explosive mixture. Such a couple or friends can be happy together, but only as long as their adventures last. If they stop even for a minute, the problems begin. The most common relationship problem is the struggle for leadership.
How to communicate with extroverts
How to stay in a good relationship with an extrovert:
- See them more often, at least occasionally spend time engaged in an activity
- Be able to listen, encourage, praise, pay attention to their problems
- Give them the opportunity to be a leader (or at least pretend)
- Discuss acceptable behavior with them, do not keep silent about conflicts
- Try to be cheerful, optimistic and joyful
- Do not ask them to be “quieter,” “slower,” etc. It will not work. It is better to just lower your tone or slow down. Extraverts will unconsciously follow your lead.
How to become an extrovert
Unlike the character, the psychotype and temperament are formed at the physiological level. This means that they cannot be changed. However, each person is a mixture of extraversion and introversion. Even if you are a 90% introvert (which is rare), you can always develop the remaining 10%. How to do it:
- Work with a psychotherapist to feel more confident among people
- Try to communicate with friends in person, not through social networks
- Engage in team sports or attend another activity with a high level of physical activity
- Periodically do something spontaneously, without a plan, moving away from habits
- Try light extremes: friendly disagreements, mastering a new type of transport, traveling, trying unusual dishes, etc.
- Develop communication skills: attend appropriate courses, speak in public, talk to strangers on a street
If among friends, there is an extrovert, you will not be bored. They will charge you with energy and try to cheer everyone up. However, despite their outward unconcern, they may suffer from serious problems. An extraverted personality, like no other, needs reliable friends — their support and loyalty. That is why such people are often friends with introverts.